"No! NO! NOOOOOOO!!!!" I scream as I am violently awoken from sleep
I sit bolt upright in terror
as I feel my heart jump in my chest,
gagging and choking
I struggle to breathe
feeling my heart travel up my throat
watching in horror as it flies out of my mouth
bounces onto the bed
and out the window
What just happened?
OH, MY GOD, WHAT JUST HAPPENED??
- - -
...I am tired
So very, very tired
Please release me from your loving grip
Through the long, lonely nights of my childhood you tried to guard me from the many abusers in my young life,
the many states,
the many men,
the many houses,
the many lonely and scary rooms I slept in you watched over me,
worrying for me,
caring for me
You woke me up at the least sign of danger
You held your head in your hands and cried tears of grief and anger
body shaking with rage
at your helplessness to stop the horrors inflicted upon my young, innocent body
But it's okay, Beautiful Heart. You have done nothing wrong.
Please do not be hard on yourself. I know you did the best you could.
I thought you were my enemy when I recognized who you were. But now I know you were one of my greatest allies.
But, please, it's time to let go.
Your work is done.