EMIL, THE FOURTH HUSBAND, PART 2

That evening after we found a stable for the horses to be boarded for the night, we went to a truck stop for dinner, then on to a hotel.  Brother and I slept in one bed while Mom and Emil slept in the other.

In the middle of the night I awoke to strange sounds in the bed next to us.

I looked over at Mom and Emil's bed illuminated in the sliver of light peeking through the curtains.

"Harder, Honey, harder!" Mom moaned as Emil moved on top of her.

Mom and Emil were having sex in the bed next to us.  

I stared at them in shocked silence before turning away.  Hugging my knees to the sickness in my stomach, I kept quiet as a mouse as I wept silent tears into my pillow.

- - -

The next morning I cried and cried and cried.  I knew Mom would get mad when she saw me crying, but try as I might, I couldn't stop the tears.

"Jesus Christ!  What the fuck's your problem now, Morrene?  You drive me nuts!" Mom said angrily when she saw my tear-stained face.

I knew I would get in trouble if I told her what I saw her and Emil doing last night, so I blurted out, "I'm afraid for Emil because he smokes."

That was all I could think of to say.

"I know, Honey, I know," Mom said as she gathered me in her arms.

Feeling the warmth of Mom's arms wrapped around me somehow did not take away the sickness in my stomach, but I did my best to swallow my tears and not think about what I saw them doing last night. 

I didn't know what else to do.

- - -

Later that day we arrived in Wisconsin.  Since we did not have a place to live, we stayed with our uncle until we could find a house.

 I slept in bed with Uncle while Brother and Mom and Emil slept in the two spare rooms.

- - - 

The next day Mom enrolled Brother and me in the school near Uncle's house.  Back into the fourth grade I went for the second time that year and Brother the fifth.

- - -

In class I stared at my teacher in hopeless confusion while she taught.  Some of the stuff I had already been taught when I lived in California, and some of the stuff I hadn't.  I had no idea how to catch up with my classmates.   I sat silently at my desk filled with shame and guilt, too embarrassed to ask for help wondering, once again, what's wrong with me?  Why am I so stupid?

- - -

At recess I huddled with a group of girls on the playground trying to keep warm in the bitter cold as I shivered uncontrollably in my thin clothes.  When I got home after my first day of school, I found some black and white yarn in my suitcase, and I started to crochet a scarf to wrap around my head when I went outside.  The bitterly cold wind gave me painful earaches and made it hard for me to concentrate in school. 

After a couple of days of feverishly crocheting, my black head scarf with white ties was completed, and I proudly wore it to school thankful for the warmth that it provided. 

Thank God Marion had taught me how to crochet!

- - -

At night I lay in bed next to Uncle in frozen and shocked silence as his hands touched the most private parts of my body.  I had no idea how to ask him to stop.

You don't argue with adults!  Nobody likes a tattletale! were admonitions I often heard from Mom.  I knew if I said anything about what Uncle was doing, I would get in to trouble.  So I kept silent.  I did my best to push the terror of what was happening to me into the furthest recesses of my mind.

I didn't know what else to do.

The sadness, the fear.  The guilt.  The shame.  The embarrassment.  And the overwhelming loneliness.  Always the loneliness. 

I couldn't wait to move into our new house.

- - -

A week later Mom and Emil had found a stables for the horses and a place for us to live.   

"Get your stuff together.  We're leaving today," Mom said.  

When I heard those words, I breathed a sigh of relief knowing I would no longer have to share a bed with Uncle.

After we packed our stuff, we said goodbye to Uncle, climbed into the car and left.

I couldn't wait to see our new house!

(To be continued….)